EPITAPHS
Please note: Most of these were taken from a discussion about epitaphs on the Halloween-L mailing list. It was a long time ago and do not remember who offered which epitaphs, so please just accept them as information to help other haunters.
Humorous Tombstone Names:
Abbie Normal (from Young Frankenstein)
B.A. Ghoul
Barry M. Deep
Barry A. Live
Barry R. Bones
Ben Dover (a favorite of the kids)
Berry D. Hatchet
Bill M. Lader
Candy B. Goode
Dawn Under
Diane Rott
Dr. Izzy Gone
Fester N. Rott
Hammond Eggs
I. Emma Ghost
I. Emma Spook
Jaws (a big bite out of this stone)
Jess Gough
Justin Pieces
Justin Tyme
Kerry M. Off
Lea Ning (with a tilted tombstone)
Lefty B. Hynde
M. T. Tomb
M.T. Box
Manny Bones
Mark A. Place
Mummy B. Ware
Orson Buggy
Otta B. Alive
R. U. Next
R.I.P. Van Winkle
Reid N. Weep
Sue D'Bum
Ted N. Buried
Tom Thumb (very small stone)
U. R. Gone
Wil B. Back
Willy Rott
Yetta Nother
Yul B. Next
Humorous Epitaphs:
I told you I was sick.
Here lies Walter Dudley.
He found out too late,
Dobermans aren't cuddly.
Here lies Bill Boller
He got ran over by
A steam roller
(This tombstone is very tall and narrow as if to match the victim)
Lizzy Bordon's father lies here (with many small stones around that say 'and
here')
Mary Lass
Missed the brake and hit the gas
Jim Migg
Would like for you to dig
I was Fred
Now I'm dead
Mary Aster
Should have j-walked a little faster
Mrs. Derns
Now being ate by worms
Your name here
C. Dracula
1236
1458
1527
1703
1823
1995
Elvis
Live with it!
Here lies my wife,
I bid her goodbye.
She rests in peace
and now so do I.
Here lies Henry Blake
He stepped on the gas
Instead of the brake.
Here lies Vlad the Impaler
He bit off more than he could chew
Here lies the Pillsbury Dough Boy
He will rise again
GO HOME
(accompanied w/ a bloody handprint)
Here lies John Yeast,
Pardon him for not rising.
Here I lie
And no wonder I'm dead,
For the wheel of a semi
Went over my head.
Here lies Lester More.
4 shots with a .44
No Les, no more ...
~ Dracula ~
"Fangs for the Memories"
Rest in Pieces
Here lies dear old Brother Tor
He couldn't take it anymore
Here lies Frank
Dead by gun
Caught in bed
By another's husband
Mary Mary quite contrary
how does your garden grow?
Quite well I bet
since it's well fed
by your body down below.
Here lies the Father of 29
There would have been more
but he didn't have time
First a cough
Carried me off
Then in a coffin
They carried me off in
Here lies my wife
In Earthy mould
Who when she lived
Did naught but scold
Good friends go softly
In your walking
Lest she should wake
And rise up talking
He got a fishbone in his throat
Which made him sing
an angel's note
Here lies the Popular,
Kevin O'Tool.
He thought it was Cool,
To Smoke at School.
Here lies Johnny Yeast
"Pardon me for not rising."
Here Lies
Ron D. Vous
He met with death.
Gil A. Teen
A Tisket
A Casket
His Head is in
the Basket
Here lies Kelly
We buried him today
He lived the life of Riley
When Riley was away
Bob took time from work
By bourbon required
Then he took to the road
Now he's semi-retired
Once I wasn't
Then I was
Now I ain't again
Here lies Bill
He always lied
And he always will
He lied once too often
And now he lies still
When your razor is dull
But you need a shave
Think of the man
Who lies in this grave
It does my heart a world of good
To see you in a box of wood
In loving memory
from your grieving widow...
You slept with them all..
Now sleep with this
Any day above ground
Is a good day
A few from the Haunted Mansion at Disney World:
REST IN PEACE COUSIN HUET
we all know you didn't do it
HERE LIES GOOD OLD FRED
a great big rock fell on his head
DEAR DEPARTED BROTHER DAVE
he chased a bear into a cave
Some rather thoughtful epitaphs:
While living men my tomb do view,
Remember well, here's room for you
Farewell my young companions all
>From death's arrest no age is free
Remember this, a warning call
Prepare to follow after me
The wise, the sober and the brave
Must try the cold and silent grave
Time was I stood where thou dost now
And view'd the dead as thou dost me
Ere long you'll be as low as I
And others stand and gaze at thee
Here lies the body of Thomas Kemp
Who lived by the sword, and died by hemp
Time, like an ever rolling stream
Bears all it's sons away
They fly forgotten as a dream
Dies at the opening day
Stop by here my friends
As you pass by;
As you are now
So once was I.
As I am now
So you must be.
Prepare for death
And follow me.
Behold and see as you pass by
As you are now so once was I
As I am now you soon will be
Prepare for death and follow me
Behold and see as you pass by
For as you are, so once was I
As I am now, so will you be
Prepare unto death and follow me
Pennyless I did die
But don't you go and cry
For if you do some thinking
You'll find I had great timing